insupportable

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Mardi 24 avril 2012 à 17:58

Insupportable. Toujours la même, pas encore différente. On ne change jamais. J’ai relu ce que j’avais écrit. Je suis devenue celle que je détestais. J’ai essayé, get drunk, get laid, mais je me suis souvenue de tout. Ce n’est pas les actes, mais l’intellectualisation, qu’il faut fuir. J’ai de nouveau besoin d’écrire. C’est parce que je ne peux pas parler avec celui à qui je voudrais parler. Il ne me l’autorise pas, il ne m’y encourage pas. Pourtant c’est le seul à qui j’ai envie de dire ce qui me passe par la tête. Et ne pas pouvoir le faire, ça crée un conflit dans ma tête : j’ai besoin de parler, mais je n’ai pas la possibilité = c’est une cocotte-minute qui est prête à exploser. La pression est trop grande, je ne dois pas la relâcher, je ne dois pas céder. Je dois être plus forte que mes pulsions. Pour cela, je dois m’imposer des choses. En fait, c’est étrange : je ne me fais pas confiance, alors j’invente des stratagèmes pour me contenir.

Pensé par insupportable

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insup.portable@hotmail.fr
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Attends toi à recevoir un mail dans les prochains jours.
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